Maple

Healing is not always physical, and often emotional. Wounds that are formed, but then in time heal can often help heal past wounds when we are able to step back and process the lessons…

Maple is the amazing puppy we had for about 2 months. And you will hear more about her down below. This is a long one. But, I am doing my best to capture the emotions and the reasoning behind this unexpected decision of rehoming our sweet girl.

Biscuit came into our lives on a cold January afternoon five years ago (2021). He was exactly what our family needed– what my healing heart needed. I had suffered my miscarriage in August of 2019, and was emotionally raw for so long after that deeply painful loss. After that (due to the unknown Cushing’s I had) I found it extremely difficult to conceive again. Months turned into years with what I felt “nothing to show for it.” To make things a little more hurtful, my daughter kept asking for a baby sister. Every time she would ask, I would get sad and tell her “if God wants to send you a baby sister, he will at His perfect time.” I felt helpless at that point and was obviously not going to get into the ins and outs of the situation with my 3-year-old.

Then came the world-wide pandemic. Everyone was adopting dogs from shelters– you couldn’t find one anywhere! She began asking for a puppy, since she had heard my husband had one when he was a kid. I didn’t really want a dog, to be quite honest. I was afraid of what was going on in the world and I thought she was far too young. Then one day, there he was on Facebook. An ex-coworker and friend had posted several photos of him explaining that she already had 2 dogs of her own, and that she had a friend moving where he could not take the puppy.

I knew right away that he was the one for us! I excitedly showed my husband the photos and told him how badly I wanted him. That there were many inquiring about him, but that I thought if I reached out to my friend we would be front-runners. He looked at me skeptically.

“You want a dog? We’ve both been asking for over a year!”

It was true. But I felt I not only wanted him– I NEEDED him.

He came into our lives and filled a piece of my heart that was broken. Shattered to pieces. My daughter immediately loved him. She would read her books to him for hours– showing Biscuit the pictures and making up stories mostly since she was 3. She cuddled with him, played with him, and loved taking him on neighborhood walks, ran around the house and in the backyard with him.

I can still hear her baby laughter when I close my eyes. Biscuit brought so much joy in a world that was filled with so much pain and UNCERTAINTY– not just because of what I had gone through, but also what the world was going through.

Over the years I have bonded with Biscuit. We go on our walks, I feed him, give him treats, and cuddle with him too. He was with me every day when the Cushing’s caused gestational diabetes and I was forced to walk 20 minutes a day, 3 times a day. Biscuit sat at the footstep of our staircase after my adrenalectomy– waiting for me to finally come down after days of the simple act of coming down felt impossible. When the tears would stream down my face after the surgery and I yearned to feel “normal” again, there he was. Right at my feet or next to me on the couch. Biscuit never left my side.

Biscuit has been through so much with me and us. I love him as my own. His is so kind and caring, but he is also a fierce protector.

A few months ago, I saw another friend post on Facebook that she had rescued a pregnant dog and now was looking to rehome the 6 puppies. I was immediately reminded that this was how Biscuit came into our lives. I wanted her to be part of our family too.

Before I got sick, I always wanted 4 children. I praise God for the 2 that he has entrusted to my husband and me– and my 4-legged baby too. I thought she could be our fourth addition!

Maple came to us the weekend of Christmas 2025. And her puppy energy was undeniable. Our home had changed for the best– my daughters loved Maple. As did we. They even seemed to argue less. Maple was full of love, curiosity, so playful. She pranced around in this super cute way and above all she was SO FAST!!!

Maple and Biscuit ran and ran in our yard, playing for hours. We felt this was so perfect. We never expected what was to come…

Biscuit is a mix. He has a long back and short legs. Before we knew it he was yelping in pain, shaking profusely, even unwilling to walk. He would yelp when we would try to touch him or place him in his crate for the night. Something was terribly wrong.

An ER visit later, we learned he had developed IVDD, a degenerative back condition. They had hope that he would heal because he is only 5 years old, but warned us that now that this had happened he could be prone to re-injury. And that a severe re-injury could leave him unable to walk with lame legs or the necessitate back surgery due to neurological issues that could arise and where complete healing was not guaranteed.

My heart SANK for Biscuit. I felt weary for his future and his quality of life moving forward. I felt the guilt because the innocent puppy in her playful ways most likely caused him to overexert himself to the point of injury.

Biscuit was prescribed anti-inflammatory medication, painkillers, and sedatives to keep him calm so he could have the chance to heal. Those 3 long weeks were the most difficult thing to witness. We kept gates around the house so that Maple and Biscuit wouldn’t mingle, we fed them separately, took them out to the yard separately. It was a difficult routine to manage.

We were met with an extremely difficult decision. Could we keep this up long-term so Biscuit wouldn’t re-injure himself and suffer a worse outcome at some point after the initial 3 weeks? OR Would we need to look for a loving, new home for Maple? We had already bonded with her, loved her, didn’t want to see her go.

I wanted with all my heart to keep her, but keeping them separate at all times became more and more stressful as the days went by. Biscuit wanted to run around and play and keep up with her. He’d start to yelp in pain again, because he wasn’t fully healed. I couldn’t prohibit her from being a puppy. It truly wasn’t her fault or fair to her. It was a freak accident that we never could have predicted.

We ultimately made the heart-wrenching, difficult decision to post her on a rehoming Facebook page, and start vetting potential families for what could be her new home. I went back and forth for weeks trying to figure out a way to keep her while preventing (in my mind) Biscuit from re-injury. It was nearly impossible to control so much that was OUT OF MY CONTROL.

Many showed interest, but either I would not reply or I didn’t like the situation for Maple. I truly was avoiding the decision.

One day, I decided I would go on a walk to speak to God and ask for clarity. I walked for about 4 miles that day along the coast and just took in all of God’s creation at the beautiful beach. While I was on that walk, I asked God if he thought we should keep her or if His will was different. Moments later Kim followed up with me asking again about Maple. She told me she was retired and was really looking for some company. That she had a dog that had passed away 6 years ago and ever since then she and her adult son with special needs yearned for a puppy. I asked to see a photo of her yard, to know if she would have somewhere to run and play; she sent it to me willingly.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that she message me while I was on that walk.

We agreed to meet over the weekend so her and her sons could meet Maple. She came down bearing gifts — fruits from her garden and goody bags for my girls. I had mentioned my girls were sad, and didn’t want to see her go and she not only understood, but remembered and told them she would take care of her and send photo updates as well.

She was going out of town, but we agreed they were a great family for Maple and agreed to take her to their home upon Kim’s return.

As the day approached, I was ready to call it off. I began losing sleep and becoming extremely sad envisioning our life without her. But the morning before we were supposed to go to Kim’s home, I received my daily prayer on Instagram and this is what it said…

“Make Your will clear and guide my steps with peace.”

“Remind me that when I walk with You, I’m never lost– you are faithful to lead me exactly where I need to go.”

I was speechless.

As I mentioned, I had sought Him on my walk along the beach. It was no coincidence this was what I read that morning. He was calling me to give a piece of me and what I held in my heart– Maple– to Kim and her sons.

Coming home to a much quieter home was honestly very strange. Maple had been woven into our family dynamic, and now she was gone. Silence was all that was left. I missed the sounds of her paws on the flooring and tile. The jingling of her name tag against her collar. My girls laughing with her. I did NOT sleep at all that night.

I regretted having made the wrong decision. The girls, our home– felt so solemn.

I have broken out in tears missing her…

I do however, want to believe Maple is giving Kim’s family renewed joy and hope after the loss of their dog. That their home is again filled with young life, spontaneity, and fun. A reason to get out on walks, someone to share their days with.

Perhaps God also led us in their direction to keep Biscuit healthy.

It still hurts.

My husband tells me to focus on the good we did for her. When we got her she had fleas, worms, and was malnourished. We gave her several baths to free her from the fleas, and took her to the vet to get the medication to rid her of the worms. We fed her appropriately and she gained weight where we could no longer see her rib cage. She grew here, learned to love and be good around children and comfortable around other dogs (Biscuit). We got her out of a potentially dangerous situation where my friend’s older, more aggressive dogs could have injured her as they unfortunately did to another pup. I think we did all the right things to set her up for a great, healthy future.

It still hurts.

The lesson I learned in all this was– just because we love someone or something does NOT mean we have to force a situation or stay in that same place forever. I wish I would have known that lesson with an ex-boyfriend that I stayed in a relationship with for far too long when I was no longer happy, and things were just not working out. Same applies here, I was stressed, and the dynamics in our home were just not going to work longterm. This situation was a mirror image of what I had already lived before. Even more interestingly, Maple reminds me so much of a previous puppy I was given by this same ex… the world spins often in very similar circles.

Letting go can be sooo hard. It can seem impossible when you are living through it. But I hope this is a lesson my daughters can learn from me and that they learn it young.

I explained to my girls that we/they did nothing wrong, but this living situation was not healthy in the long-run for Biscuit or my mental sanity stressing over if he would get hurt running and playing with Maple. I’ve lived with Cushing’s before, and overwhelming amounts of stress are –now that I’m healed, praise God– quite unbearable. They remind me of who I was when I was sick, and I never want to be there again.

When we let go, and let God…I believe we are more at peace. Peace is not always derived from our desires. But God knows what we need, and what we don’t to achieve His peace.

I am convinced God used my family and me as an instrument of help to Maple, and to pass on joy to Kim. It doesn’t mean I don’t get sad thinking about her, I still do and I believe I always will.

He uses us all, often in ways we might never be aware of, but He does. And his plans are always perfect. We are not perfect. We are broken, but nonetheless loved by Him.